This is a tough blog entry to write because I could go on for days about Christmas songs that belong on The Dark One’s player. I’ll try to restrain myself, though.
The other day, we were at Pottery Barn and were subjected to the most God-awful rendition of holiday “music” I’ve ever heard. Some idiot took vocal clips from people like Bing Crosby and made “loops” of them and then lay them over a cheesy drum machine. The abomination that really burned me up was the version of “Happy Holiday” that seemed to go on for a half an hour. If Pottery Barn wanted customers to leave the store quickly, that’s the way to do it– just like one of those ultrasonic pest remover things you plug in.
I don’t know if they’re selling a CD of this stuff, but if you even consider buying it, shame on you. And the ghost of Jimmy Hardy will visit and haunt you until you change your ways.
Now, I could continue this entry with complaints about Madonna’s horrible cover of “Santa Baby” or the Singing Dogs or Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmastime” being firmly entrenched in the top 5 of Satan’s favorites, but since it’s the holiday season I’m going to switch gears for a minute. Give the Red Dude a break, you know?
For some reason, this seems to be the year that decent Christmas songs are popping up. There are at least two new (well, new to me) versions of Roy Wood’s “I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday” in regular rotation on stores’ overhead music systems, which is great. I’ve also heard Slade’s “Merry Xmas Everybody,” Mud’s “Lonely This Christmas,” and Chris Rea’s “Driving Home For Christmas” a few times in the past few weeks– all great songs that get a lot of play in Europe and the UK, but you never hear them here. Yay to whoever is picking up on these songs!
And it’s no surprise that some of these songs all appear in my favorite Christmas movie, Bernard and the Genie. Seriously– everybody needs to see this movie. (It’s just been released on DVD, too, so there’s no excuse for those of you who are VHS-challenged.)
One song that would probably make Satan’s iPod and is still redeeming in a non-Happy Holidays way is “Fairytale of New York” by The Pogues with Kirsty MacColl. The lyrics are on the next page, but they’re not for the faint of heart. I laugh whenever my local Irish pub owner, Derek, plays this on the PA because I don’t think the customers catch the lyrics. It’s The Pogues, after all, so don’t expect something shiny and happy.
Finally, I’ve seen the term “Satan’s iPod” starting to crop up around the internet lately. If this is my little contribution to popular culture, then enjoy it with my compliments. 🙂

Fairytale of New York
(Shane MacGowan & Jem Finer)
It was Christmas Eve babe
In the drunk tank
An old man said to me, won’t see another one
And then he sang a song
The Rare Old Mountain Dew
I turned my face away
And dreamed about you
Got on a lucky one
Came in eighteen to one
I’ve got a feeling
This year’s for me and you
So happy Christmas
I love you baby
I can see a better time
When all our dreams come true
They’ve got cars big as bars
They’ve got rivers of gold
But the wind goes right through you
It’s no place for the old
When you first took my hand
On a cold Christmas Eve
You promised me
Broadway was waiting for me
You were handsome
You were pretty
Queen of New York City
When the band finished playing
They howled out for more
Sinatra was swinging,
All the drunks they were singing
We kissed on a corner
Then danced through the night
The boys of the NYPD choir
Were singing “Galway Bay”
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day
You’re a bum
You’re a punk
You’re an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed
You scumbag, you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy Christmas your arse
I pray God it’s our last
I could have been someone
Well so could anyone
You took my dreams from me
When I first found you
I kept them with me babe
I put them with my own
Can’t make it all alone
I’ve built my dreams around you